magharabi: (Al~ Got your back)
[personal profile] magharabi

No baby yet. And I'm torn.

On the one hand, now that I've past my due date, we're walking a fine line between what's good for the baby and what's bad for him. The fact that he hasn't come on his own implies that his body isn't quite ready for the world outside yet, and each day he stays in the uterus is one day more that he is developing, getting stronger. It's also one day closer to the placenta beginning to fail, which means it stops delivering nutrients and oxygen to my little guy. Each time we've gone in to the doc's, I've been edging closer and closer to the danger zone for preclampsia as well. The only thing that's kept me out of it is my apparent super awesome blood pressure (which has been steadily climbing the last month) and the fact that I haven't had any protein in my pee (but I started having traces of it at the last doc appointment).

Also, I'm DYING to be able to hug him, hold him in my arms, play with his little hands and feet and blow raspberries on his tummy to hear his baby-giggle. I know Husby's dreaming of it, too. Literally. But... I'll miss feeling the little wiggles inside of me, even though they hurt sometimes and are uncomfortable.

I've had about two days when I've had Braxton Hicks contractions most of the day, but when we've timed them, they've been scattered all over the place, not regular. And it usually only lasts a day. The last time the doctor checked on me, my cervix hadn't ripened at all in over a week- I was still 80% effaced, and only dilated to 1 cm. This is not a good place to start labor.

So. I'm scheduled to go in to the hospital to be induced tomorrow (Monday) evening. They'll call at some point and tell us what time to check in, so in a way it's a bit like waiting for that moment when I take after the crazy monkey in Lion King, grab my dear Husby by the arm with my eyes wide open and say "IT IS TIME," and in a way, it's a little anti-climatic.

On the one hand, I'm excited to see the little one. I'm glad to know the end is near. I can't wait to have my body back, omg. On the other hand, I kinda feel like I failed being pregnant. Like, my body for whatever reason missed its cue and now medical science has to make up for my complete and utter lack of being able to do what women have done instinctively for millennia. I know it's stupid to feel this way- about 1 in 5 women are induced, currently, so I'm in good company. All of my sisters-in-law were induced. My RL best friend was induced. It doesn't mean that I failed. It just means that we're deciding to err on the side of caution, to make sure that Morphberry gets the best of both- the most development inside the womb as we can safely afford to give him without running the risk of starving or suffocating him.

Anyway. Husby's been home for a week now, on "paternity" leave, which has been awesome. We've gotten a lot done, and not a lot done, all at the same time. Heh. Still, it's been nice to have some one on one time with him, without rushing or stressing about work and stuff like that. The nursery is finally totally completed, with curtains, to boot! And it's just things like picking up the living room and vacuuming before my mom comes down to stay with us for a week that I'd like to do before the baby comes that needs doing. You know. Chores. Heh.

We're both such lazy suckers.

Anyway. Long and short. I'm an emotional wreck, our baby will most likely be born sometime on Tuesday, January 18, weighing in somewhere between 8 and 9 lbs, oh! And unless he comes out looking TOTALLY not right for the name, we've decided on James Daniel. I have the CUTEST little bear outfit for him to wear home. So. Wish me luck!
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October 2015

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